Recently I had the long-awaited joy of seeing Snoop Dogg in concert. It was there, actually, that I got the inspiration for this Celebrity Sexpert series in the first place, right when he was singing “Sensual Seduction,” the song that perhaps best spells out what we can learn about sex from Snoop:
- Take turns. As Snoop sings it (and, yes, he sings more than raps on this particular song), he seems to be a ladies first kind of man. But that doesn’t mean that women should always come first. Rather, think of orgasms and pleasure in relation to turn-taking and sharing. If a man comes quickly, that can still work for a couple as long as he’s able to get a second erection to continue with sex or, erection or not, if he’s ready and willing to kiss, stroke, or otherwise stimulate his partner to the brink of her pleasure and/or orgasm.
- Take your time. All too often, people rush through sex. Yes, sometimes that makes sense, such as at 2 am when one or both people have to get up early the next morning for work and you both want the good-night-sex-release rather than a marathon version of sex. But other times, sex needs to be savored! Try to slow down the strokes and really feel how each others’ bodies move in response to each other. Make love to each other and enjoy each touch, breath, kiss, and/or thrust. Plus, if you allow arousal to build, it can increase pleasure and make orgasm that much easier.
- Sex can be playful! When couples first get together, it’s often the case that they stay in bed for an eccentrically long time, barely getting out even to grab breakfast or meet friends for drinks. But as couples stay together longer, sometimes the playfulness gets drawn out of sex, which can lead people to long for the playful days. But why long when you can bring play into your sex life today? Whether you use sex toys, flavored body paints, or simply give yourself permission to laugh, let go, or get a little wild is up to you. Learn to love sex again, one playful laugh or touch or ridiculous sex outfit at a time.
From Hit Me Baby One More Time to her love affair gone wrong with Justin to her marriage to and divorce from K-Fed, Britney ranks among the top Celebrity Sexperts of our generation. Here’s what I think we can learn from her:
- Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. And if you cheat? Well, let’s just say it’s probably not a wise move to cheat on someone who can make your life miserable after that, such as by writing a song about your lies and then hiring a look-a-like actress to play you in the video version of your lies. Cry me a river, already. If you’re not into a relationship anymore, leave it on good footing, free to start something new when you’re ready.
- Own your sexuality. Remember all the “is she, isn’t she” a virgin stuff from ages ago? At first, Britney tried to play the virgin card for way longer than she should have, particularly as she and Justin were supposedly vacationing together and shacking up. After it was all said and done, he ended up blowing her cover in a primetime television interview. Who cares what other people think about your sexuality? Own whoever it is you are and whatever it is you do. You’ll be happier in the long run if you can first accept yourself.
- Dress up. There was the school girl outfit in Hit Me, the red latex catsuit in Oops, and the stewardess who wiped Champagne off of men’s laps and brought guys into the Mile High Club in Toxic. Take a hint, find a costume from Three Wishes and explore your saucy side in the bedroom.
- In love, do your own thing. Everyone was pretty much on board with Britney’s teen dream relationship with Justin. But then there was the quickie Vegas ceremony. And that wedding to K-Fed? Also a bit of a shocker. But you know what? A great story hopefully came out of Vegas and two beautiful little babies came from the marriage. Though no one knows where Britney’s life will take her, at least she’s (hopefully) not doing only what she feels everyone else wants her to do in order to fit in. In love and in sex, we all have to make our own way. Make sure you enjoy whatever path it takes you on – even if you hit a few bumpy roads from time to time.
In this four-part series, we’ll be exploring what we can learn about sex from various celebrities – whether they ever intended to be sex ed teachers or not. This week’s celebrity sexpert? Tiger Woods. Clearly, Tiger and his family have been through quite an ordeal. What can we learn from the fiasco that was his sex life uncovered?
- Be honest. If you’re not into monogamy, that’s okay. Just don’t enter into a relationship or a marriage that is built around monogamy. Either stay single or partner with/marry someone who loves and accepts you for who you are – partners on the side, and all. For tips on creating a satisfying open relationship or marriage, check out The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures.
- Tell your partner what you want. If the text messages that have surfaced are truly from Tiger (and I have no idea if they are or not), then he has a knack for telling his partners what he wants (e.g., threesomes, to treat someone rough, etc.). If you don’t ask, how can you expect to receive? Read the text messages here.
- Use a condom. If you believe reports by Us Weekly, he didn’t always use a condom nor did he necessarily ask whether his partners were using birth control. Tsk, tsk. Might there be little Tiger cubs out there somewhere? Please: talk to your partner about whether you want to be parents together and, if not, birth control methods that will work for you. If infection is a concern, use a condom. Condoms also make for highly effective methods of birth control.
- Switching from anal to oral is risky. According to the text messages, Tiger allegedly wanted to go from anal to oral with someone. This anal-oral switching potentially carries risks of various viruses, so not a great idea (fecal matter is not exactly clean stuff). If you want to try this safely, use a new condom for anal sex, then take it off afterwards, and make sure the penis is clean before you transition to oral. If you’re concerned about infection, use a new condom for anal and then another new condom for oral.
- Second chances are possible. In most relationships, people mess up. Usually not on such a grand scale, but people make mistakes. They flirt with an ex. They Facebook with a cute coworker. They chat with someone they shouldn’t. They forget to take out the garbage day after day after day. Sometimes people cheat. Other times they lie. But much of the time, these are just mistakes and people want to believe they can change. They may need your support as they try to change. It might take them time and it might require more compassion and grace than you ever thought you could muster. But it might also be worth it.
Just as everyone needs a dependable, reliable, May-I-Have-Another sex toy, sex lives can also be greatly enhanced with a Just-for-Fun-and-Maybe-an-Orgasm toy. If I were to recommend just one such toy, it would be the Sqweel.
It’s only a matter of months old on the sex toy market, but the Sqweel – from LoveHoney (UK) – has already made major waves. Simply put: it is unlike any other sex toy on the market. It’s not a dildo. It’s not even a vibrator, although it does have batteries.
So, what is this plastic and silicone creature you’re considering using on your nether-regions?
Well, let me put it this way: it’s sort of like a wheel (hence the name). But it has tongues. Ten of them, to be exact. No, not real tongues – but soft-ish tongues nevertheless and the batteries help the tongues to rotate around and around the wheel, just like spokes on a wheel.
You can hold the Sqweel to your own or your partner’s genitals to simulate oral sex or to create something only sort of like oral sex but unlike any other type of sex toy play you’ve ever had. Some women and men may find it orgasmic. Others may find it to be more of a novelty than anything else but sometimes a person or a couple’s sex life needs a good spin on novelty! Doing new things can be invigorating for sex – so why not try this on for size? It’s cute, it has OMG-ten-tongues and it fits in the palm of your hand (and comes apart for easy cleaning). Find it at LoveHoney.
