Even though vaginas lubricate all on their own, thanks to natural vaginal lubrication, sometimes a little bit more slipperiness is needed. Or wanted. Or just plain fun.
That’s why everyone should consider keeping a little lube on hand to add a drop of pleasure into their private or partnered sex. Here are some possibilities:
Good Clean Love: Like organic ingredients? And don’t like icky chemicals that are common irritants? Then consider Good Clean Love. True, it’s not the clear consistency of Astroglide or KY, but who ever said that lubrication had to look like that anyway? Good Clean Love is a favorite for its consistency, its unlikely-to-irritate factor, and its organic ingredients.
Just Like Me: This is one of those lubes that I have long recommended to women who find some of the mainstream brands to be too irritating for their most sensitive parts. Like Good Clean Love, it can be used for vaginal or anal sex and is water-based, so it can be used with latex or polyurethane condoms. The “pump” container makes it easy to apply, too.
Olive Oil: Although not everyone likes their sex to feel oily, some go crazy for it! Olive oil has been used as a natural-ish lubricant for ages. Unless you’re insanely wealthy or just plain picky, I would save your best stuff for salads and bread dipping, and go with a plain old Extra Virgin Olive Oil (or as Rachael Ray likes to remind everyone, EVOO). However, oil-based products should NOT be used with latex condoms.
Zestra: Though not technically a lubricant, Zestra oil – found in many drug stores – has been shown in some small studies to enhance women’s sexual arousal and ease of orgasm. Just massage a little on your clitoris and see if you enjoy the tingly sensations. A small percentage of women find it to be irritating, so proceed with caution if you have sensitive skin. Remember, though: this is oil-based so it should not be used with latex condoms.
Although sex was meant to have some friction – between hands and genitals, yours and your partner’s genitals, or genitals and toys – there’s a difference between a little friction (which can feel good) and a lot of friction (which can feel uncomfortable or painful). Choosing a lubricant or other slippery substance can make for more comfortable, pleasurable sex.
Along with a soft comforter and even softer sheets, one thing every woman needs in her bedroom is a toy that she can count on to do the trick when she’s home alone. Although the silver bullet is often a time-tested favorite among women, the Acuvibe ($60 at Early2Bed.com) and Fairy Mini Wand ($69.95 at MyPleasure.com; see my video review above) are two must-try quality toys.
The Acuvibe is like a smaller version of the infamous Hitachi Magic Wand (less powerful though) but sleeker and prettier to look at. It’s only an inch and a half wide at its very wides point and packs quite an intense punch in terms of its vibrations. Also, the Acuvibe is rechargeable (it plugs into the wall) so you don’t have an annoying cord getting in the way of solo masturbation or partnered sex, as often happens with the Hitachi Magic Wand. Once charged, the Acuvibe can run for as long as 45 minutes of pleasure! Soap and water (or toy cleaner) should do the trick in terms of keeping it clean.
The Fairy Magic Wand was a new toy to me last year when my friends at MyPleasure.com, in full disclosure, sent me a sample. At first when I saw that they had enclosed 6 AA batteries, I truly thought that they were giving me extras to have on hand just in case. When I realized that it took all 6 AA batteries, I was duly impressed. After all, more batteries often means more power. For such a small vibrator, it offers very intense vibrations – in fact, it’s more intense than many larger vibrators on the market. Like the Acuvibe, it can also be charged in the wall using an AC adapter OR the batteries can be used. Truly, this was one of the more impressive toys I’ve come across in quite some time.
Although sex can be emotionally yummy and physically tasty, sometimes you also want it to taste extra good on your tongue, too – not just in your mind or your various other body parts.
That’s why – as tantalizing as genitals, breasts, thighs and backs may taste on their own – it can be fun to add a little yum factor to sex, all on your own. Consider keeping one or more of these on hand for when you’d like to add some deliciousness to your sex life:
Mint Julep Body Sugar from Tulip. This is one of my favorite sex-cessories ever. Though there’s also a brown sugar flavor, I hear that mint julep is quite a popular item among others (and not just me). Sprinkle some on whatever body part you can’t get enough of. It’s only $9.50 and it lasts longer than most relationships!
Confectioners Sugar to make DIY Body Sugar. If you like to vary your flavors and thus don’t want to invest in just one flavor to keep around, consider mixing confectioner’s sugar with a flavor of your choice such as chopped mint leaves, basil or rosemary. Make sure to use it the same night you make it, though, lest it get too clumpy. [Watch my homemade video to learn how.]
Nipple Nibblers from Early to Bed. At only $3.50, this fruit-flavored lip balm can make your (face) lips, your (vulva) lips (assuming you’re not extra sensitive down there or prone to yeast infections) or your nipples taste particularly good.
Whatever flavors you roll with – whether it’s one of the above or your favorite flavored lubricant or body paint – make it fun! Apply your flavored love potion with seductive strokes, luscious love or lust sprinkling its way out of your finger tips. And if you’re the one doing the licking, lick with wonderment, with enthusiasm, with can’t-get-enough-ooh-aahs – you know, the same type of excitement and dedication that you do with natural flavors of the flesh. Because that tastes good, too.
In our culture, people frequently measure themselves and make comparisons with others. You may have found yourself comparing height, weight, number of pounds lost post-baby (and how quickly), dress size, running times, amount of money in the bank, mortgage rates, sales figures for the month, cholesterol levels and more. What don’t we compare?
When it comes to sex, men – and the women who love and lust after them – may discuss, dissect and compare penis size. In fact, questions about men’s penis size are among the most common sex questions that people ask me. Men often want to know whether they are big enough or thick enough or whether they are somehow “enough” to please a woman.
To some extent, size doesn’t matter as much as men think it does (which is the part of this idea that is a myth). After all, the vast majority of men are somewhere around an average size. Although it’s true that there are men on the extreme ends of penis size (very small and very large penises do exist), there are few men at those ends compared to the bulk of men who lie in the middle. Most men have an erect penis that is somewhere around 4.5 to 7 inches long. Studies about “average” erect penis size often wind up with results in the neighborhood of 5.1 to 5.8 inches long.
What this means is that size doesn’t matter all that much because there’s not a ton of difference from average guy to average guy. Where this stops being a myth is to say that size doesn’t matter at all.
The fact is that, for vaginal intercourse to feel pleasurable or orgasmic, many women will privately (and sometimes publicly) say that they would like to be with a man who is at least somewhere close to the average range (e.g., 4, 5 or 6 inches). It’s not that a man with a two inch long erect penis cannot please the average woman; in fact, some women would love to find a man with a smaller penis size. This may be particularly true if they have vaginal pain issues, a short vagina, or if they very much enjoy performing oral sex but find it difficult to take in an average or larger sized penis. However, for many women, two inches of erect length might leave them wishing for more, or at least for more creativity (such as using a penis extender sex toy with a partner or having an orgasm from other means, such as oral sex).
That said, bigger isn’t always better. I have heard from many men who have a larger than average penis and who find it difficult to find a sex partner. Some men have found it next to impossible to find a female or male partner who can comfortably have vaginal or anal intercourse, respectively, with them – or oral sex. Even lube can’t help in all cases and it can be frustrating for both partners, particularly as people usually get together and stay together because they like or love each other. It can be heartbreaking when a couple feels that they cannot stay together because of things they cannot change (such as genitals that don’t quite “fit” together).
The Large Penis Support Group is a web site that is responsive to such men’s needs for information and support and 7orbetter.com is a relatively new web site that helps to connect men who are 7+ inches long with those who are comfortable with such a size, and like it. And we haven’t even touched here today on erect circumference (thickness) which is a whole separate issue.
What’s the take home message? Although size is rarely a make or break issue in relationships, it can be – and it shouldn’t be minimized when it is. Couples need information and support to help them figure out how to have a satisfying, pleasurable, enjoyable sexual and romantic life. Books, sex shops, web sites and sex therapy can all be helpful resources for couples who are in the market for improving their sex lives regardless of their genital size or fit issues.
